Disclaimer // The connections I make between skin care and psychology are all JUST philosophical ideas (other than Kanika’s knowledge on Narcissism).

My Personal Experience:

Growing up, I was constantly reminded of how beautiful I was. Anytime I was picked on by another girl, or shot a dirty look by an older lady, my moms immediate response when confiding in her was that they’re jealous. Personally, I believe all moms should tell their daughters that while still raising them to be humble! In my opinion, my skin care regiment being such an important ritual in my day-to-day ties back to always being reminded of my beauty. Now, it’s engrained in my mind that maintaining my beauty is so important, because I don’t fully know who I am without it (Key word: Fully). I have this urge to always take care of my, starting from the inside going out. I try to hydrate, sleep, and consume as many nutrients and minerals throughout my day as possible. I use Kiala Greens (not sponsored lol). Then, I use topical methods such as double cleansing, essence, toners, serums, moisturizer, SPF, you name it. I will always find value in taking care of my skin starting within, as there are several health benefits. I will proceed with using all the skin care products, since it is a therapeutic step in my morning and night routine. Although a lot of people associate aging with wisdom (which I do agree), my take on skin is that it’s our biggest and most vulnerable organ. Therefore, we should take care of it to the best of our ability. I just need to find a way to break the idea that either aging or anti-aging plays a part in shaping who I am as a person. Something to talk to my therapist about!

My Outlook on Pretty Girl Syndrome:

In my personal experience, I was lucky enough to never view women as competition. Maybe it’s because I grew up with a younger sister who I always wanted to protect. This sculpted me into being the protective friend I am in my friendships with other women. I have always been leaned on as the “therapy friend.” I’m the first person to hype you up and tell you how beautiful and intelligent you are. Which is why I don’t like giving my energy to just anyone. I have had experience with a friend who was extremely competitive to an extent that people around us wondered if she was jealous. Some were even suspicious that she had feelings for me. The kind of girls who try to flirt with the guy you like, or embarrass you in front of men. The kind of girl who complains when guys approach you more than her. The kind of girl who constantly compares herself to you. Over time, it gets draining to be around. I once saw on social media (which we take anything off social media with a grain of salt) that “pick me girls” are girls who grew up praised for their looks. Therefore when they see other women who are just as pretty, if not prettier, they don’t know how to handle it. They view it as an issue and think there’s something they have to do about it. Whether or not it’s actually going to “fix” whatever it is they think they’re fixing. I think what differentiates me from this friend I had, was that I had a healthier upbringing. At the time she had a lot of healing and maturing to do. We have reconnected recently and she had a glow to her that I hadn’t seen before. She seemed happier, which I love for her. Another thing that may differentiate me was that marriage was never made a big deal to me growing up. That’s just a theory as to why I don’t view women as competition, granted I can’t speak for other girls on that being some a reason or not a reason.

Narcissism

This is unrelated to pick me girls and the friend I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I’m not here to diagnose anyone. I am simply acknowledging that there’s common ground between pick me-girls and narcissists. However, with a pick me girl, the focus of the problem is physical appearance. While with narcissists, there’s more to it. I watch a woman on YouTube named Kanika Batra who has a degree in Psychology, a Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosis, and who grew up a pageant girl. She makes informative content on YouTube discussing her two disorders, the other being Antisocial Personality Disorder. The logic that a pick me girl grew up praised for her looks and seeks competition makes sense because that same psychological affect plays out in a narcissist to a more extreme level. According to Kanika, a narcissist grew up being praised, in turn making them more self conscious. When they step foot into the real world and expose themselves to outsiders, any negative input about them that’s handed to them completely throws them off track. Due to their upbringing, they feel the urge to portray that they’re perfect and maintain a certain image; they display false confidence. So much so that they go over the top, almost as if they’re over compensating. Which is why, I’m sure, people who study narcissists can easily sniff one out from far away.